How to Practise Self-Compassion
Do you find yourself becoming angry and frustrated with yourself when you make a mistake? Does failure make you feel useless? You're not alone. But being harsh or critical with yourself for your faults or errors can take a heavy toll on mental health and wellbeing and makes it harder to navigate life’s challenges.
Self-compassion is a really powerful approach for well-being. Instead of beating yourself up or feeling that you’re not good enough, self-compassion encourages and supports you.
Photo by Giulia Bertelli on Unsplash
It’s been described as “the practice of treating yourself with the same kindness, understanding, and care that you would offer to a good friend” and is especially important when facing difficulties, failures, or personal shortcomings.
Psychologist Kristin Neff, a leading researcher on self-compassion, breaks it down into three core components:
Self-Kindness: Being gentle and understanding with yourself rather than self-critical.
Common Humanity: Realising that everyone makes mistakes and experiences hardship; you are not alone.
Mindfulness: Holding your feelings in balanced awareness without exaggerating or suppressing them.
Photo by Katerina May on Unsplash
Sounds great but it can be easier said than done, especially if your family modelled a harsh approach or taught you to view it as a sign of weakness or self-indulgence.
Sometimes, it’s such a strongly established habit and part of our family culture that we don’t realise we’re doing it.
But it’s a valuable tool that can make a huge difference to how we handle struggles and how we feel along the way.
Here are a few easy ways to get started.
Every morning, when you wake up, spend a minute or two saying kind wishes to yourself: may I have peace of mind, may i have happy moments, may i be mindful and not dismiss my emotions
Take a few breaths and practise a mindful activity like looking at a beautiful object or doing some colouring.
Put your hand gently on your heart for a few moments
Try replacing the word “should” with “could” when thinking of what you need to do
Photo by Darius Bashar on Unsplash
Developing Self-Compassion
Like any deliberate change in behaviour, it takes practice, patience and time to develop self-compassion.
Spending some time thinking about your contributions to the world (you may undervalue yourself!), the obstacles you’ve overcome in your life and your achievements can help give you a more generous, balanced picture of yourself.
Journalling can be a very helpful way to develop awareness of your thoughts and begin to shift yourself into a more self-compassionate frame of mind.
Photo by Gabrielle Henderson on Unsplash
Here are a few other suggestions for cultivating a kinder attitude towards yourself.
1. Do Small Acts of Self Care
Value yourself by making yourself a cup of tea, taking a bath or fixing the annoying things that are broken. Carve out rest time and truly rest, without guilt. It is vital for the health of our body, mind and emotions.
2. Start a Gratitude Practice
Negativity bias is a mental leaning that can make it hard to see the bright side. Research has shown that our brains will look for the negative, a rate of six times higher than it looks for the positive.
To override your mind’s bias, remind yourself of all the good things you are grateful for. Life is not perfect but there are probably aspects of your home, your health, your relationships and the earth that can give you joy.
Therapy Toolbox says, “this act of gently correcting the bias is growing your self compassion muscle.”
Photo by Brigitte Tohm on Unsplash
3. Write yourself a thank you note
Imagine that you are your own best friend (a good kind friend). Write a note to yourself to say thanks for doing your best. List the things that are hard and then pinpoint what you are doing well. Difficult circumstances make life hard. Use phrases like:
“I know things are hard right now, but you’re doing your best, and that’s enough.”
Photo by Towfiqu barbhuiya on Unsplash
6. Acknowledge Your Feelings Without Judgment
Rather than pushing away or criticising your emotions, welcome them as natural parts of your experience. Notice feelings like sadness, anxiety, or frustration without labeling yourself as “weak” or “wrong” for having them. Have a cry if you need to and do something comforting like cuddle a pet, a loved one or a cushion.
Photo by Vitalii Khodzinskyi on Unsplash
7. Take Care of Your Body
Self-compassion includes physical self-care. Eating nourishing foods, getting enough sleep, and moving your body in ways you enjoy are acts of respect and love. Treat your body as a trusted partner rather than an adversary.
Photo by Maddi Bazzocco on Unsplash
8. Set Healthy Boundaries
Saying no or stepping back from overwhelming demands protects your mental and emotional health. Boundaries allow you to prioritise your needs without guilt, reinforcing that your well-being matters.
9. Allow Imperfection
Perfectionism fuels self-criticism. Embracing imperfection means recognising that mistakes and flaws are part of being human. This mindset frees you from unrealistic standards and opens space for growth and self-acceptance.
Photo by Aleksandr Ledogorov on Unsplash
10. Seek Support When Needed
Self-compassion includes asking for help. Reaching out to friends, family, or professionals honour your needs and fosters connection. It’s a courageous act, not a sign of weakness.
Self-compassion nurtures emotional resilience, reduces anxiety and depression, and fosters a healthier, more loving relationship with yourself. It’s a vital foundation for well-being and growth.
Photo by Deniz Altindas on Unsplash
You can find more resources on Self-Compassion here:
